The Dangers of Sleep Walking
by KaseyM1113
Summary: When Rose takes a walk in her sleep there are surprising results. FML contest entry.


FML Contest

Title: The Dangers of Sleep Walking

Pen name:KaseyM1113

Characters:Rose, Bella/Jake, Edward

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm sure SM is doing much more interesting things to do with her time than avoid her case readings!

To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2: http://www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ (remove spaces for link to work)

A/N: Thank you so very much, to my "cheer leaders" without them this would never have been written, and would be a mess! Thank you ladies!

Prompt: Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

*One Week Earlier*

What is that? Why is someone shaking my shoulder? Scratch that, why is someone even touching me? It cannot be time to get up yet, and it's definitely not Emmett ... what the fuck?

"Nooo. Leave me alone! I don't wanna wake up ..."

"Rose, honey, come on, wake up."

Ugh, I know that annoying fucking voice, but who the hell's is it?

"Ro, you need really need to wake up."

What the hell? Why is Bella in my room?

I crack one eye open, finally admitting defeat, and see Bella's face. It's oddly red, as if she's blushing about something, surrounded by her dark brown hair which is currently one hell of a mess. "Bella? What's going on? Why are you in my room?"

"We're not in your room" says a deep voice thick with laughter. Glancing towards the voice, I see entirely too much russet skin, and after looking higher discover it belongs to Bella's jackass of a boyfriend. "You're in Bella's room. What, did you hear us going at it and decide to see if we'd let you join? Can't say as I'm surprised. I mean it was only a matter of time before resisting me became too much effort for you."

Really Jake? Really? You're repulsive. Why would I want you when I already have Emmett? "Yeah, Jake, that's it. How'd you guess?" I say, my voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Oh, trust me babe, I just know," he says with a smirk. Someone clearly missed the sarcasm in that one. Idiot.

Time to nip that in the bud before it gets planted too deeply. "Yeah right Jake. Like I'd willing touch you, even if I wasn't dating Emmett. Why would I want to be with a guy who hasn't been able to get his girlfriend to orgasm period more than a handful of times in as long as they've been together?"

Hmm, now Bella's glaring at me. Why? Ooohhh. Probably shouldn't have told him that. Whatever, I mean seriously, the girl's been faking it the whole time. Why would anyone want to deal with that? Wait. Is he trying to imply that ...? No. Just ... he can't be. Shooting up in the bed pushing my long, blond hair out of my face. "What do you mean I'm in Bella's room? I'm still in bed!"I ask warily.

"Honey, you were sleep walking again."

Starting to freak out a bit, I look around me. Yup, this is Bella's light blue duvet, not my red one. These are Bella's damned annoying jersey sheets. I know she swears they're amazing, but give me sheets with a nice high thread count any day. Oh my god, what is going on? I don't even remember the idiot coming over, so he must have gotten here after I went to bed. I didn't go that early though, so he must have come over late and probably just because he wanted sex too, dick.

Looking at the two of them out of the corner of my eye, it suddenly strikes me how he has no shirt on, and Bella's clutching the sheet to her as if to cover something. In fact, it looks an awful lot like she's trying to keep herself covered. Holy shit, she's not wearing a shirt. That's exactly what she's doing. "Oh my god, were you two in the middle of fucking. Ew! How the hell long was in this bed with you? You so better have stopped as soon as I walked through this door."

Bella's looking guilty. The jackass looks pretty fucking smug. They didn't. Oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick.

"Oh fuck!" This is worse than the time I peed on a living room end table in my sleep ...

*Present Day*

"Rose, it's not that big a deal. Most of Jake's friends are too afraid of you to actually bother you about it."

We were sitting in the campus center waiting for Alice and Jasper to get their asses here so we could get the fuck out here. Random idiot football players keep giving me and Bella winks, because apparently that tool of a boyfriend of hers bragged to his buddies that he'd 'slept' with both of us at the same time in the locker room after practice yesterday. Yeah Jake, because your sorry ass could ever get a threesome, even if one of the girls is your girlfriend. Please!

"Yeah, Rosie, they're intimidated by your beauty," Emmett says with a grin.

"Flattery won't fix this Em. Give it up." I tell him angrily. I cannot believe that little fuckwit has been going around telling anyone that would listen that I climbed into bed with him and Bella that night. First of all, I was asleep. Secondly, he's telling Em's teammates. People I see regularly, and have to interact with. I don't want them thinking I'm some cheap whore or that I would cheat on Emmett like that. They used to respect me, but now how could they? I wouldn't respect me if I were them, I know that. This whole situation is making me so mad I could strangle someone. Preferably the bastard responsible for it.

"Baby, it's not like anyone believes he could actually satisfy two girls. I mean, we've seen him in the showers after practice. Besides, we all know he can't even keep the girl he has satisfied, he's not going to miraculously figure shit out, right."

I do not like how calm he is about this. Considering it's his girlfriend that the bullshit is being said about, you would think he'd be a little less cool about the situation. If the situation was reversed and Emmett was the one who had sleep walked into someone's bed and the girl was telling everyone the bullshit that this asshole is spreading, I'd be fucking furious. Just thinking about it has me ready to cut a bitch or something.

"You do realize that idiot is telling all your football buddies he slept with me, right? You're girlfriend. You're just ... ok ... with that?" I ask with narrowed eyes.

"It's only them though Rose." Bella interrupts "They're all just humoring him. Quite a few of them were there that Truth or Dare round."

"True," I say, as I recall back to that night in my mind. Oh, that night was crazy. I don't really remember a whole lot of it; we drank a lot that night. By a lot, I'm talking multiple bottles of vodka and rum and who knows what else. There was probably less than 15 of us there, but I do remember Em drunkenly asking Bella when she'd last came and her answering, "Not counting when I get myself off so I don't explode in frustration ... probably a few months ago." This naturally led to us all knowing that her incompetent fuck of a boyfriend is all but incapable of getting her to the promise land. Jacob is just plain incompetent if he still hasn't managed to figure that one out.

Just then, Edward sits down next to Bella with a weird look on his face. Naturally, being completely in love with him, she immediately notices that he looks upset about something. She really needs to ditch dog boy's lame ass already and get together with Edward. He's been a love sick puppy for her ever since he set eyes on her freshman year, and I really don't know how she hasn't noticed how much more he is than dog boy. I don't just mean he's more human or anything. I mean he's more everything. He's considerate, respectful, sweet and caring, and he pretty much adores her. Kid, I mean Edward. He hates when I call him that. If I keep thinking of him in that way I will never stop saying it.

Anyway, he holds doors open for her, if we're driving somewhere he has to open the car door for her. I can't even count how many times I've seen him walking towards her with a cup of coffee, tea or whatever in his hand for her. Any girl would be lucky to get someone half as amazing as him, and Bella doesn't realize that he is hers for the taking; all she has to do is say the damned word. Don't get me wrong, it's really sweet of him, but then there's the way he'll just sit there and stare at her when they're supposed to be studying together. While it's nice that he thinks she's that beautiful and can get lost in her eyes or whatever bullshit he'd spout given half a chance, it's kind of sickening sometimes.

Shit, that's not the point. Bella's asked Edward what was wrong and he's started to answer her. Oh look, there he goes with the running his hand through his hair making it look all 'tousled and sex-hair' and shit, which Bella just eats up. She's just as into him as he is with her, and again, I wonder just why it is that Bella chooses to stay with the moron.

Fuck, focus on what Edward's saying Rose!

"So, I'm heading here to meet you guys and my friend Josh stops me. He's just gotten out of the 101 section he TA's, you know, the one he calls 'Rocks for Jocks.' Anyway, apparently while they're supposed to be doing some group thing, he hears the guys behind him talking. One of them is telling the rest how his girlfriend's roommate came into her room while they were 'fucking like animals' ... his words, not mine, I swear. Anyway, she gets in the bed with them and he 'totally nailed them both! It was hot' ... again, his words."

I swear to God, Jake's going to lose his fucking balls if this goes where I think it's going to!

"So Josh turns to see who's talking, and initially the kid's face is turned but he clearly recognizes these two cheerleaders, Jess something and Laura ... maybe Lauren? Anyway, it's them, some football guys and a few others. So the kid finally turns back and it's Jake. So after he tells me the story he's like 'Dude, does Bella know what that ass-jockey is saying about her? Because she really should ..."

At this point, I'm considering where to hide the fucking body, and Bella's doing her angry, pale and shaking, except right now she's shaking so hard I think she may actually be vibrating, thing.

"What the hell did Josh overhear?" Edward asks looking confused. "What exactly, do I not know about? Something's clearly happened."

"The signing of Jake's death warrant," Emmett growls. "It was one thing when the prick told the football team he'd slept with them both. It's an entirely different matter telling a bunch of random fucking people that he's nailed my girlfriend! The dickhead is fucking done!"

Guess someone's angry now because it's not such a non-issue now that he's telling people you don't know. Not that it was a non-issue before. It's always been an issue. I was prepared to force the situation, and bribe Em if that's what it took to get him to respond to this appropriately. Well, good. You fucking should be angry.

"Ok, bitches, we have arrived. Let's blow this pop stand already," Alice chirps, as she comes to a halt between Bella and me, now that she's finally managed to join us. No one acknowledges her since we're all stewing in general anger.

"Whoa there sugar," Jasper drawls, as he puts his arm around her waist and pulls her in close to him, "It looks like we missed something serious."

"Come on," Bella sighs, while standing up and hiking her bag up onto a shoulder, "I'll explain it on the way home. You guys coming? I need some advice; this is just too fucking much."

With general murmurs of agreement and Edward offering to stop and pick up drinks, which somehow turned into a Starbucks run and not the booze run I really would have preferred it be, we all head out.

***

"This is such bullshit. I mean what the fuck? Why would he even tell anyone about that shit, never mind the entire football team and some random fucking people? He was clearly making shit up too. That's just fucking low!" Bella is raging; it looks like she's finally starting to see what we've all been saying for months now. Black is a douche, to put it mildly.

Now that we've all arrived back at Bella's and my apartment and settled into the living room, Bella is just letting it all out there. Which is probably a good thing, as no wants to have to deal with her arrest for murdering someone. After we explained the situation to everyone finally, Bella just let loose. Alice is still annoyed we didn't tell her as soon as it happened, but obviously we didn't want anyone to know who absolutely, positively did not need to. Read, Emmett, and only Emmett.

"Ok, wait." Alice says, clearly trying and failing not to laugh. "Rose sleep walks into the room and then gets in bed with the two you. While you're ..." Oh, good, she finds it funny now. I wonder how funny she'll find it when I stab her with one of her stilettos.

"Yes." I growl, "You've got the situation in your grasp. The douche bag is telling everyone that he nailed us both when really I was sleep walking again and somehow managed to climb into bed with them. Now shut the fuck up before I make your pixie ass sorry!" The bitch just smirks at me and tells me to drink some more of my tea. You know what Alice, with today's fuckery, not even a vanilla rooybus tea latte can make me feel better.

"Rose, really, are you ever going to use his real name? I mean I know you have this whole convoluted rationale about respect and ..." Alice starts. Wow, she's really trying to get on my last nerve today isn't she?

"Alice, seriously, you know why I refuse to use his name, you can stop pretending you don't. However, to clear it up for Edward because the look on his face says he actually does wonder about it, I will not give him the respect involved in using his first name until he shows Bella the respect she deserves as his girlfriend and he shows me the respect that I deserve as her roommate. Okay, yes, I have given up hope on that day ever coming, but I'm sticking to my guns on it.

Alice raises one eyebrow at me while giving me some weird assed look and goes, "You even do it in your head don't you?"

Giving her a 'no shit, Sherlock' kind of look, I say, "Of course I do. If I'm thinking about something that involves him I either use an insult, dog boy, idiot, you know something along those lines, or just swear. It's the principle of the thing." Everyone just laughs and moves on.

"Ok, I have a question." Edward states with his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "How long were you even in bed with them before you woke up? I mean the way he's talking, even knowing the real story; I'd assume it was for a while."

Bella and I chuckle humorlessly while looking over at each other and I give her a look telling her to answer. "Oh that's one of the best parts. I'm figuring ten or so minutes passed since he put it in and all so in another minute or so I can start ... gearing up ... for the grand finale so we can get this shit over with. Then in comes Rose, and she's sleep walking and just climbs into bed with us, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Anyway, all said and done, me waking her up, Ro figuring out where she was, all of it. Five minutes at the most. I mean come on. It's not like you were even in the bed long enough for anything to happen." Bella's hands are flying everywhere. She only talks with her hands when she's feeling an extreme emotion. Usually she does it when she's excited or happy about something, but I guess fury would be just as likely to cause it. Guess she's a lot angrier than any of us imagined she was. God, I hope that fury is enough to drive her to end things with him once and for all.

"This is Jake were talking about. Five minutes is all the time he really needs." And there's my Em being dumb. He certainly has a way with timing. I can't help but laugh along with him though, he makes a valid point.

"My point to all this was, Emmett, what am I supposed to do now? He's being a complete tool and ... " Bella starts back in, getting interrupted by Alice.

"Being a complete tool? Bella he is a tool. This isn't a onetime occurrence and it sure as shit isn't the first either for him. Babe, wake up and smell the coffee. The guy is an asshat! That kind of shit doesn't change. Jake will not change, it doesn't matter how long you stick around. Fact of the matter is, they longer you stay and put up with it, the worse it's going to get. He already thinks okay, and you just letting him get away with it is only reinforcing that." I cannot believe Alice has finally said that. She's been wanting to for a while but didn't want to upset Bella. The look she's giving Bella, it's obvious she's worried about upsetting her but knows someone has to say it. Edward knows it could upset her too, if the way he's rubbing her back trying to help keep her calm is any indication. The simple fact is that because he can recognize her moods and indicators like that, is just one more clue Bella's not getting that she should be with Edward and not dog boy.

"But, what am I supposed to do? Yes, he's a tool, but you don't break up with someone over one incident," Bella says, clearly confused. You can see it in her eyes. She knows all these things and is refusing to acknowledge any of it to even herself. Now she's getting interrupted by Jasper.

"Bella, it's not just one incident. It's many incidents and this is the final straw. It has to be. Remember when you had to go 'save' him from some other school's football team because he egged their stadium and they caught him? What about any of the hundreds of times he's woken you up in the middle of the night to pick his drunk ass up from a bar or frat party? What about when he blew you off on your birthday for a Call of Duty tournament? Do you really want me to continue, it could last all night, baby. Besides, why would you want to stay with someone you're not attracted to? Don't deny it. We were all there that night and we know he's not doing it for you. Stop pretending things will fix themselves, because they won't. After this long, an old dog won't learn new tricks and all." Jasper's practically yelling by the end of this, and he's all red in the face and breathing hard. He is determined to make her see reason. But the poor guy doesn't realize she's too stubborn to do something if she doesn't want to.

Before Bella even has time to open her mouth, Alice is off and running again. I swear she talks more than the rest of us combined sometimes. Although, this time she's making a valid point. "Seriously hon, why do you continue sleeping with him? I mean you know it's not going to end well for you, why put yourself through that every night?"

Of course, because she's Bella, she blushes deep fucking red and shifts all embarrassed like. "Guys, I don't ... I mean ... god we've been together for fucking ever, like two years or some shit. I can't just all of a sudden stop having sex with him, and not even have a good reason for it anymore than I could just break up with him the same way. I'm not going to tell him it's because he doesn't get me off. Last time I tried to hint that there was something he could do differently he got pissed off, we got in a week long fight, and in the end things didn't get better. I'm not doing that again." Even with that practically fluorescent blush staining her cheeks you can see how conflicted she is. She knows all this deep down and us forcing her to acknowledge it all in one fell swoop is overwhelming her.

Oh honey, it hasn't been that long at all. "Bella, sweetheart? It hasn't been two years. Hell it hasn't even been one year yet. You two have only been together for like seven months, sweetie." I tell her and she just looks at me confused before speaking.

"No, that can't be right. Can it? God I feel like I've been with him forever. Then again the bad stuff always feels like its taking longer doesn't it."

"Um, babe, if it feels like it's been forever, you're clearly unhappy. If you can admit it's a horrible relationship, never mind the bad the sex, why are you still with him?" I ask in confusion. I figured he had some redeeming quality that only Bella saw. However, this is obviously not the case. "I mean we all know he's a giant douche bag, this latest incident just proves that, but it's not exactly new. You really need to just dump his ass. Find someone better, who actually deserves you. And as for not having a reason, don't fucking give him one. Just tell him you're done, he doesn't need more than that. If he gets all you owe me a reason, first of all, tell him he's a bitch and doesn't deserve you, and then tell him you don't owe him shit and to get the fuck out." Interesting, I feel kind of relieved having finally been able to tell her that. Guess it's true what they say about letting your feelings and emotions out being a cathartic experience.

Bella gives this pathetic sounding sigh before speaking. "Yeah, you're all right. I know I need to end this shit. It's not going to be easy, but I need to figure this shit out. Would you all hate me if I went and took a hot bath or something and figured my shit out with him, even though you're all here?"

Bella just looks so downtrodden and shit that none of us have the heart to tell her no. So with a weak smile she gets up and heads into the kitchen to throw away her coffee cup, before heading off to her room. Too bad dog boy decided to just let himself in and get in the way of that one. I don't fucking think so.

"Baby, where are you? I haven't heard from you all day. You ok?" comes floating towards us from the entranceway. My, what a way with words you have, Black. Bella's standing frozen in the hall to her room with a look of rage and this might be wishful thinking on my part, but she seems to have a look of murder on her face. Jasper, Emmett and Edward have all shot up from their seats on the couch, or in Emmett's case from the giant neon purple bean bag chair Bella had insisted upon buying one day, more than ready to go kick his ass.

"If you can control yourselves for a few minutes' guys, I have a few things I'd like to say to our resident idiot." I tell them, with a bit of a sneer. Ok more than a bit of a sneer, but whatever, I'm about to rip this douche bag a new one and that is the important part here. "Edward, why don't you go try and calm Bella down a bit so she can be rational when she dumps his stupid ass hmm?"

"Yeah sure Rose, if that's what you really want. Personally I think letting her work herself into a nice rage will make it easier for her," he responds. Cute, and a valid point but she'll just get incoherent if she's too angry so we're going to go with my idea. "Calm her. Thanks, you're the best." I say, patting him on the chest.

"Hey, Jake" I say frostily as I head towards the apartment door. "You and I need to have a short talk real fast."

"Yeah, actually I don't really have time at the moment. I need to get going to a team thing, but figured I'd stop and make sure Bella would be around to get me later if I end up drinking," he says with smirk, looking so sure of himself. Yeah, no fucking chance asshole.

"Yeah, well you're going to listen to what I have to say to you right now Jake and I wouldn't count on Bella to come get your sorry ass later. Even if she would be willing I wouldn't fucking let her. Anyway, asshole, I heard an interesting story today. One that involves you telling possibly every person willing to waste their time talking to you all about how you 'nailed' your girlfriend and her roommate last week. Anything you want to say about that before I rip your fucking head off?" I declared angrily as I watched him start smirking. Is he fucking laughing at me? I swear to God, his life is going to be flashing before his eyes before I'm done with him if he lets out so much as one laugh.

"Oh, come on Rose. Don't you think you're overreacting just a bit? So what if I told them I had you both in bed last week. No one cares about that shit. It's just a joke. Get a fucking sense of humor already." The soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend with a death wish says, as if I'm somehow wrong for being upset with his latest stunt.

Before I get the chance to respond, I hear Bella speak from behind me as she's walking into the entranceway with us "I don't think she's overreacting Jake, and I highly doubt Emmett thinks she is for that matter. Besides, you don't get to tell anyone how they feel. If she's upset, she has every right to be, because they're her feelings and no one else's." Let's see you talk your way out of this. You're too fucking stupid to recognize that tone in her voice. It means one wrong move from you and you'll lose your balls. And when she's done with you a few of us would like to kill you.

"And you know what Jake, it doesn't matter how funny you think you're being running around telling your friends some bullshit story about the two of us. The fact is you're being a disrespectful douche bag. You didn't 'nail' Rose. Hell you didn't even 'nail' me that night. Although I'm pretty sure the way you tell your buddies the stories about our alleged sex life, it's always been exaggeratory at best. God, you can't even tell the difference between me actually having an orgasm and me faking it. Then again, you've only ever heard me fake it, so I guess it's not such a surprise you don't know what the real thing sounds like." You would think after a speech like that there would be some discernible emotion in her voice, yet Bella sounds so calm. It's like she knows there's nothing Black could possibly say to change things and she's not willing to waste anymore energy on him or their relationship. That must be a sign of acceptance right? Edward is standing there next to her, and he just looks so proud of her. Not that we all aren't proud of her, it's just that it's so much more obvious on his face than it is on the rest of ours.

Oh someone's not looking so sure of himself anymore. In fact he's starting to look downright pissed. "But, you know what Jake? I don't even fucking care. Fact is, this is just one more instance where you've proven yourself to be a bigger piece of shit than anyone could ever have imagined you to be. And I'm not doing this anymore." Bella says with a wave of her clenched fists. Okay, now it's making more sense. Bella's not really this calm; she's just doing her damnedest to look like she is. Probably thinks that seeming rational will make it cleaner. Poor thing doesn't realize with Black, it's going to anything but clean. "I'm done with your bullshit, I'm done trying to convince myself that you either don't fucking realize how much of an asshole you're being or that you actually have a single redeeming quality, because you fucking know what you're saying, and there's nothing redeeming about you. You're a douche bag, you don't have an ounce of decency or respect in you, and I deserve someone so much better than you it's not even funny. So, no, I won't be available to come pick your drunk ass up tonight, or any other night, and you can get the fuck out of my house and don't bother trying to call me or get a hold of me because I won't be answering. Oh and before you tell me how sorry I'm going to be, how much I'm going to regret this, or that I'm going to change my mind and come crawling back, begging you to take me back, think that all you want, but the only place that will ever happen is in your dreams because believe me, I am SOOO much better off without you."

Thank the fucking Lord; I've been waiting for this moment since the day she brought the prick to meet us! I'm practically bouncing, and I'm doing the most involved happy dance in history in my head right now. He's not going to like this, but he's also not going to do a damn thing. He'll probably try but after the beating of his life he's going to receive from Em tomorrow, under the guise of football practice, he'll be leaving all of us alone. The look on Emmett's face as he glares at him says that quite clearly.

Glancing around to see what everyone else thinks about her little statement, I see Edward and Jasper taking a step forward, almost as if they expect him to do something and want to be close enough to stop him. Alice is nodding her silly little head, and you can just tell if she was willing to interrupt the greatest break up ever, she'd be yelling in his face something to the effect of damned right bitch! Bella even looks a little shocked and proud of herself, she probably didn't think she had that in her. I always knew she did though, it just took something big enough to piss her off hard enough to make her erupt.

"I don't fucking think so" He seethes, although I must say, Bella looks significantly less than impressed with his attempt at bull in a china shop behavior, "You don't just fucking break up with me! I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, sweetheart and you are not breaking up with me, and we're going to be together until I decide otherwise!" The look of bewilderment you see through the extreme rage and bulging neck veins tells us he actually believes this too. Unbelievable.

Before either Bella or I can respond to that asinine declaration, Emmett growls from behind me, "That's not how this is playing out Jake." As I turn to look at him next to me, sliding his arm around my waist, I see Jasper and Alice next to him, and Edward coming to stand next to Bella, all three of the guys bearing looks that mean business and warn Jake against trying to fuck with us. "This is how it's going to go. You're going to walk out of here right now, and you're never going to bother Bella or any of us ever again. You're not going to tell another person your bullshit story about her and Rose and you're going to tell everyone you have told the lie to, the actual truth. While I'm sure you'll eventually find some other poor, unwitting girl who will date you, if I ever hear you're pulling this shit again I'm going to find you and ruin your fucking life! If you don't believe me now, just wait until our next football practice. You'll be lucky if you can walk off the field without help when I'm through with you." Oh, my man is pissed, and Jake is looking less than sure of himself.

"Did you miss the part where he just told you to get the fuck out?" Edward asks with a dark look in his eyes.

"Fucking whatever," Jake says with a sneer, before turning around, wrenching the door open and leaving, and like the fucking girl he is, he slams it behind him. Ass.

Bella slumps into Edward's side, clearly relieved to have Black out of our apartment and out of her life. "Looks like you didn't need time to think about how to get rid of him after all," I say with a laugh "Now I don't know about you guys but Em and me are going to relax a bit after that bullshit. Come on baby, I think you deserve a thank you for earlier." Emmett looks thrilled. He's so obvious and uncomplicated with some things. It really is nice knowing exactly what he'll like the most.

"Ya know, Bella, I think Edward deserves a thank you as well," Emmett shoots over his shoulder with a wink. I look back just in time to see Edward starring after him with wide eyes and Bella turning fucking red as hell. "He does make a good point hon," I add with a laugh.

*Two weeks later*

"You think they'll ever pull their heads out of their asses?" I ask the room in general, the disgust clear in my voice. Two weeks have passed since the removal of the asshat from all our lives. By this point Bella and Edward should have at least started dating. Unless they're hiding it from all of us they're still just dancing around each other, flirting shamelessly, but not doing a damned thing. They're not dating. They're not fucking yet. Nothing has changed.

"Do you think she'll ever stop blushing every 12.7 seconds?" Alice asks with a derisive snort. Touche.

"Yeah, good point." I say. Then, "I mean it's not like they aren't practically attached at the hip these days. Edward sends her flowers like every third day. I mean God, if he sends any more I can't even guess where they'll go. We have no empty table or counter space at this point. If they don't get a fucking clue and soon, I swear I'm going to lock them in her room and not let them out until they have fucked at least five times!" Okay, yes, I can understand Bella wanting to take things slow. I can also understand Edward not wanting to rush her knowing the reality of her relationship with the idiot. That doesn't mean taking things so slowly that by the time they finally get around to admitting the like each the second coming will be ancient fucking history. They are really sweet together, I'll give them that. Obviously, if you want to actually have a successful relationship with someone, one that's based on more than just sex at any rate, you need to have a solid friendship with them also. If they had only just met, taking this much time would make a lot more sense. They didn't just meet though. They have known each other for years. Rock solid friendship? Check.

Just the other day I came home to find them all cuddled up under a blanket on our couch watching a movie. It was adorable. I am just failing to see why they can do that, but can't seem to do anything else.

"I will help! You're not the only one getting sick of their shit," says Alice, sounding pretty frustrated with them herself. Jasper and Emmett are nodding. Guess I'm really not the only one who's completely fed up with the two of them.

Deciding I'm far too hungry to actually give a shit at the moment, I ask "Ok, moving on. Who wants Chinese? I'm fucking starved and ordering. Who wants in?" With general murmurs of agreement from everyone, I go to retrieve my phone and head down towards Bella's room to see if the clueless duo wants anything.

Pushing her door open without knocking while scrolling through my phonebook, I look up to find a shirtless Edward with him back towards me and ... is that ... holy fucking shit. Bella's equally shirtless and I don't even want to know where her other hand is right now!

"Holy fucking shit Bella! Learn to lock your fucking door! How many times do I have to interrupt you before you figure out how to use that thing?" I swear I'm buying her 'How to Use the Lock on Your Door for Dummies' the very next time I'm in a bookstore!


End file.
